


a cartload of almonds

by TheTinyTortoise



Series: some of the greatest battles will be fought (within the silent chambers of your own soul) [3]
Category: His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - His Dark Materials Fusion, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-10
Updated: 2019-08-10
Packaged: 2020-08-14 14:00:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20193424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheTinyTortoise/pseuds/TheTinyTortoise
Summary: “And I’m trying to be good, again,” the Soldier says. “The only good thing I ever did in my life was taking care of a moron like you.” His eyes go distant for a moment. “But he doesn’t need me anymore. So I figured I’d find someone who did.”“And you picked me?” Peter asks.The Soldier just looks at him. “Look at you. You’re a mess. You need someone to keep an eye on you or you’re not gonna make it to your teens.”“We’re fifteen,” Leili snaps from where she’s still pinned beneath the lioness’ paw.The Winter Soldier passes a hand over his face. “Jesus H. Christ,” he mumbles. “You’re a fetus.”





	a cartload of almonds

**Author's Note:**

> The title comes from the name of a fable about a lion and a squirrel.

Peter doesn’t like to think about his own death. Whenever he does, he remembers all of his close calls, and his hands start to shake and his throat closes up and sometimes he even gets a little pukey. But, in the limited amount of time that he has spent considering his own death, he’s always thought that he would go out like a hero. Maybe while fighting a monster, or sacrificing himself for a civilian. He’s certainly never thought that he would finally kick it by getting beat up by a couple of robbers.

I mean, come _on_. Isn’t Spider-Man’s whole job taking muggers down?

_Iron Man_ would never let himself get stomped by a pair of thugs.

To be perfectly fair, it’s not really the muggers that are going to kill him. They’re just the icing on the cake. The injuries that he’s gotten leading up to this moment really what are going to take him down. He’s pretty sure that at least a couple of his ribs are broken, and his knee is making a weird clicking noise whenever he takes a step. Not to mention how whenever he so much as moves an inch, he gets smacked in the face by a tidal wave of dizziness. He’s in no shape to fight like this, but the robbers aren’t exactly the kind of guys who are opposed to kicking someone when they’re down.

His Leili is doing her best to help him, but there’s not much a flying squirrel can do to stop two fully grown men. Besides, she’s got her own problems to deal with. The muggers’ daemons-a half-bald seagull and a flea-bitten warthog-are busy kicking her ass.

“_Peter,”_ Karen says urgently into his ear. _“Threat detected_.”

“Yeah, thanks, Karen,” Peter mumbles, groaning as one of the muggers slams his boot against Peter’s gut. The other one begins looking through Peter’s wallet, groaning when all he finds are Peter’s library card and some crumpled receipts. “I noticed.”

Out of the corner of his eye, in the shadows, he spies a movement. It’s so tiny that he almost convinces himself that his eyes are playing tricks on him. But then Karen insists “_Threat detected_,” again, and Peter sees the quickest flash of silvery fur in the moonlight before it vanishes back into the gloom.

“Hey there!” he rasps before he can think better of it. “The more, the merrier, right? Come join the party!”

The muggers pause, glancing at each other. The seagull daemon stops tearing out chunks of Leili’s fur and cocks her head to one side.

“What the hell are you on about now?” One of the muggers grunts.

A dark blur rockets out of the shadows before Peter can so much as open his mouth to reply. Silver gleams in the moonlight as the figure whirls in an incredibly violent dance. His boot collides with one of the muggers’ heads with an awful crunch that makes Peter shudder. His metallic arm seizes the other mugger by the collar and tosses him into a nearby wall as if he’s no heavier than a paper airplane. When the first mugger to go down groans, the figure stomps on his face until he’s quiet without the slightest hint of hesitation.

“Jesus, kid,” the figure drawls in one of the thickest Brooklyn accents Peter’s ever heard, tossing his long hair back out of his face. “Where the hell is your babysitter?”

Peter wheezes. He recognizes that face, and that metal arm.

“Are you here to kill me?” He rasps.

The Winter Soldier crosses his arms. “Why would I put down these idiots if I was planning to kill you?”

“I don’t know!” Peter squeaks. “You’re evil? That’s what you do?”

The Winter Soldier frowns. “I’m not evil,” he says. After a beat of silence, he adds “.....anymore.”

“Ohkayyyyy,” Peter says. He’s read up on the Winter Soldier, and he kills a lot of people for someone who’s not evil anymore. But he’s not about to tell the guy that.

Leili lets out a shriek that brings Peter’s attention back to more important matters-namely, whether or not his soul is about to be gobbled up. He remembers the Soldier’s leonine daemon from the airport. She’s just as terrifying now as she spits out seagull feathers and pins Leili to the ground with one huge paw.

“Please, please don’t squish me,” Leili is screeching. “I’ll do anything. Well. Almost anything. Nothing weird. Just-oh, wow, lady, has anyone ever told you that your teeth are really sharp? Do you get them sharpened or something?”

The lioness huffs. Peter can’t tell if she’s amused or irritated. Judging from his and Leili’s track record, though, he’s guessing irritation.

“Look, kid,” the Soldier interrupts. He’s rubbing his temples and definitely looking annoyed. “We’re not here to kill you. If we were, you’d be dead already.”

The lioness stoops down, maw gaping wide, and Leili screams. After a couple seconds, though, her shriek trails off into nothing. She lies there, blinking, as the lioness sets to grooming her fur with an enormous pink tongue.

“Um,” she squeaks.

Peter squints at the Winter Soldier. “Is this some kind of incredibly convoluted revenge for us kicking your ass in Germany? Because if it is, seriously, just punch me a couple of times and we can call it even.”

The Winter Soldier’s eye twitches. “You did not “kick my ass”,” he grits out.

Peter and Leili share a sidelong glance. They definitely remember kicking his ass.

“I’m here,” the Soldier says, “because you’re a dumbass.”

Peter and Leili glance at each other again.

“Well, yeah,” Peter admits. He’s aware. He’s working on it. “So?”

“And I’m trying to be good, again,” the Soldier says. “The only good thing I ever did in my life was taking care of a moron like you.” His eyes go distant for a moment. “But he doesn’t need me anymore. So I figured I’d find someone who did.”

“And you picked me?” Peter asks.

The Soldier just looks at him. “Look at you. You’re a mess. You need someone to keep an eye on you or you’re not gonna make it to your teens.”

“We’re fifteen,” Leili snaps from where she’s still pinned beneath the lioness’ paw.

The Winter Soldier passes a hand over his face. “Jesus H. Christ,” he mumbles. “You’re a fetus.”

“I think you’re just ancient,” Peter shoots back. He squints up at the Soldier. “So, basically, you’re trying to say that you’re adopting me?”

The Soldier turns green. His lioness lets out a chuckle. Her voice is lovely, dark and velvety.

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves,” she laughs.

Leili and Peter glance at each other, weighing their options. They quickly come to the consensus that they don’t really have any options. They’re in no shape to fight off a rogue Soviet assassin right now, and he seems pretty set on his decision to be their babysitter.

Besides, it might be nice having someone around to watch their back.

“Okay,” Peter concedes. The Winter Soldier’s shoulders slump in apparent relief, and his lioness lets out what might be a single purr.

“But,” Leili adds with a shudder, “you’re the one who’s going to have to explain this to Aunt May.”

**Author's Note:**

> Peter’s daemon, Falaleili, is a southern flying squirrel. She looks something like this: https://images.app.goo.gl/REEV49o7x9vBv3E48  
Bucky’s daemon, Andi, is a white lioness. She looks something like this: http://africageographic.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/04/white-lioness-timbavati.jpg


End file.
